Although, I wrote this over 12 years ago. I feel as though it still resonates with how I am going now. I still need God in my life. I still hate satan and think he is an a**hole. I still have bad days. I still want to go to Heaven when God calls time on my life here on earth. I still want to serve God for the rest of my life and believe that sharing this journal is an act of glorifying him. I still love him and still pray he forgives me for my foolish ways. The only difference between that date and now is that the hurt in my heart has healed.
To give you some context behind this journal entry, I was estranged with my Mother at the time after she asked me to leave the family home earlier in the year. I will share that journey in another blog when the timing is right. Long story, short i was given an ultimatum and my decision shocked my parents and deeply hurt my mother. Now that I am a mother, I have reflected and she probably felt I was turning my back on her after 18 years of taking care of me. I also believe at the time she was experiencing such grief and loss over the passing of my late Grandfather who lived with us. I think the combination of pain led to a crossfire of words that cut deep like a sword within my soul, which meant we did not communicate for some time.
After accepting Jesus as my Lord and Saviour in March of 2008, I tried to mend my relationship with my Mother. This journal was a cry for help to God to heal my heart, things got worse and I was feeling so hurt by the entire situation.
It took almost two years for our relationship to be restored. It took another few years to rebuild to be stronger than ever, and now we are the best of friends. I also relocated a few years ago to live closer to her, I talk to her almost every day, see her nearly every second day and am forever grateful to God for restoring our mother-daughter relationship. I remember those days in 2008 when I would cry because I thought our relationship was beyond repairable now it is unbreakable.
A few years ago, My Mother told me that I made the right decision when she gave me the ultimatum back in 2008 which is one thing I never thought I would hear come out of her mouth. And the other day my Mother sent me a text thanking me for the advice I had given her which meant everything to me because it is something I never thought would ever happen.
I pray this encourages anyone reading that God can restore relationships better than you can ever humanly imagine. God HEALED what the enemy tried to kill, steal and destroy. I believed with all my heart in 2008 that God would do the rest, and he DID!
Love G x