This journal was written over three years ago after finding out I was pregnant for the third time. About a month prior, we had just relocated to a new home back in our home town. I had found out I was pregnant during house renovations which explains why I was crying over painting the walls. Anyway, it was an awesome surprise because Almond and I were not exactly trying.
To give you context, I had two previous miscarriages around the 12-week mark which was one of the most challenging experiences in my life, which I will share in another blog. After my second miscarriage in September 2016, I just needed some time to regroup, but God obviously had another plan instore for Almond and I.
It was my third pregnancy, and although I am incredibly grateful to have fallen pregnant naturally, it just felt three times harder because I was fearful of losing baby number 3. The fear was heightened around the 12-week mark given I had lost my two babies previously at that milestone. Hence, my mixed emotions of just wanting/needing this one baby here on earth which God already knew.
I had prayed for a woman at my next scan. And I got the most beautiful lady who I will never forget because she wiped my tears as I saw my son growing big and strong. I didn’t know at the time that baby was a boy, but obviously, God did, and so it’s funny looking back at my journal and seeing I wrote ‘his heart’.I remember holding my stomach whilst sitting in the swimming pool and just looking up to the sky, as tears streamed down my face and praying to God for my son to still be growing in my womb. God revealed a baby-shaped cloud in the sky. It was honestly the most surreal, beautiful and intimate moment with God reminding me that he is in control. It was having faith instead of fear and trusting God during that time where I was vulnerable. I also prayed for a full-term pregnancy declaring that baby will be healthy, and boy is my son healthy and whole. My son is a constant reminder of God’s faithfulness in my life. As I write this, I am reminded of the verse I read today.
“Tell every nation on earth, “The Lord is wonderful and does marvelous things!”CEV BIBLE
— 1 Chronicles 16:24
In Jesus name, I prayed and declared his goodness over my pregnancy. My son is a marvellous thing who is a gift from a wonderful God who loves me unconditionally and knows exactly what I need in my life. I pray this journal encourages someone to give your insecurities and fear to God even in your circumstances that you cannot comprehend he will honestly provide you with the strength to have faith that will eliminate fear.
Love G x