Desire of my heart #J3

This series will ultimately be about sharing my journey with Jesus and declaring his goodness through unpacking my journals.

GINSFAITH
17th of Feb 2012

I actually love that I found this journal entry again because I laughed out loud when I read about not wanting to wake up at 5.30 am and how it is a crazy time. Well, it’s definitely funny now that I am a Mother because my perception of early mornings is entirely different. I wrote this before Church on a Sunday morning. I had worked most Saturdays and was so tired because I had joined a 3-month boot camp to help with my health journey. I mentioned in my finding Jesus post that I put on over 30kgs in a year because I was eating my feelings. And it had taken me 2 years to lose all the weight I had gained. It was right before my wedding in 2010, and I wanted to stay healthy. I also wanted to lose even more weight which I did not realise at the time was unhealthy. To this day, it is one aspect of my life that I am still learning to manage, which I will eventually share in another post.

In 2020, Almond and I celebrated 10 years of marriage. Woohoo! It was an incredible milestone that we both give God all the glory for because without him in our marriage, and I can assure you we would not have reached 1 year let alone 10 years without God.

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Back In 2008, I told Almond that because of my desire to follow Jesus I did not want to be intimate with him until I was married and I no longer wanted to be part of the nightclub social scene anymore. Almond was shocked and confused because we had already been intimate for 2 years and were going out most weekends. However, Almond received it well, and he was kind and respectful towards my decision. I did not realise at the time that I had opened a door that I could not easily close, and the temptation was very real, so I needed God to give me supernatural strength to deal with my before christ life. I remember God speaking to me that I needed to confess my struggles and seek prayer. I was at a Hillsong colour conference, and the conviction was overwhelming, I wept in front of a family member and her friends. I asked them to pray for me because I was struggling, and I know it was ultimately coming in between my relationship with God.

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As my relationship with God got stronger, my relationship with Almond got weaker. The more I prayed for his salvation, and the worse things got between us. We started to argue more often, and I did not know what to do anymore. All I knew was that I 1000% in love with Almond and could not imagine my life without him.

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One night I prayed to God, and he revealed to me the deeper/real issue was that I loved Almond and idolised/trusted him more than God. So I asked for forgiveness, and I laid bare my relationship with Almond to God that night. I will never forget just being on my knees with my hands lifted up. I surrender the one person I loved/wanted/needed in this life I just cried out, and I said to God ‘improve or remove him from my life’. I could not stop crying because I knew how powerful that prayer was, and I knew God would answer it.

I just had to trust his plan for my life and let his will be done. I knew at that moment, and I had totally given God my relationship full reign. I guess I just did not anticipate what would happen next… God really showed up and answered my prayer! Almond made Christ his lord and saviour, which was the ultimate turning point!!! (AMEN) We started a new chapter in our life going to church, Bible studies, church camps, and we even got baptised together. A year and a half later, we got married, and navigated life as newlyweds. I can honestly say with all my heart that God blessed me with the greatest desire of my heart.

Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust in him and he will do this:

Psalm 37:4 -5

NIV

As I reflected on this journal almost 9 years ago, I am still thankful to God for Almond because he truly is my best friend and the man of my dreams. Our marriage is not without fault, and it is definitely challenging because the path as one is not easy at times. I would be lying to you if I did not admit that there have been plenty of times I have wanted to give up and be alone. However, I am forever grateful to God for continually surrounding us with his unconditional love. I know Gods love and hand over our marriage is the reason we are still together and we are better together as one, so I give him all the glory for everything. Therefore, I am forever thankful to God for giving his son Jesus to die on the cross for my sins. And to this day, I still want to be more passionate about Jesus because I truly desire to Glorify Gods kingdom. At the end of the day, I love Him and need him more than anything in this world!

Love G x

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